The Great Rock n Roll Swindon

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The Great Rock n Roll Swindon

Post  Boz1964 on Sun Dec 30, 2018 11:59 am

The Great Rock n Roll Swindon

It's a wonderful, magic time of year for Non-League Football Fans everywhere - over the space of ten days - four matches to look forward to, time to spend with the family and a break from work.

But sadly not so much fun though for the dedicated Non-League Football player- no alcohol, no over indulgence on the Christmas Pudding and having to tear yourself away from the Family to kick a pig's bladder around after 3 hours sat on the coach in a traffic jam on the M4 corridor.

It's not just Non-League Referees and Linesmen that must be mad.

As we arrived at the Webbswood Stadium, the home of Swindon Supermarine- the only football Club in Swindon that aren't Robin Bar Stewards-, the Ground Officials pointed at the empty supporters coach- Punk Rock Music still blaring  - the Merthyr Celeste- and asked where had they all gone?- as the nearest pub was at least three miles away.

Wherever they had headed, I was sure they would return full of the Christmas spirit- and not surprisingly I was correct.

Watching half cut Merthyr Fan, Robert George eating one of the meat-filled snacks from the Swindon Snack Shack - was proof why he was a pioneer- most of the pie was in his ear.

As he swayed back and forth to the strains of the loud music- there was plenty of ROCK n roll too with his fly at half- mast,  it was almost a case of 'Swing-Dong' and
'Never Mind the Bollocks' either.

But he was not the only Merthyr Fan to hit the bar yesterday.

The half-time interval saw the Supermarine Officials stage a crossbar challenge competition, and up stepped Paul Scholes lookalike 'The Quiet Man'  described as 'Morgan from Glamorgan' to show who was the real Swing-Don.

His prize -some RAF Mince Pies with a best before date of 1940.

Sadly, it was the only recorded Merthyr shot on target in a first period of the game , which saw the Away Team having more possession than 1970's film The Exorcist but displaying little creativity or real goal- threat.

Principally because our principal striker, Ryan Prosser, was fouled from behind with virtually challenge especially from the big number 5, Jerel Ifil - the ROCK at the back, who seemed to be practicing his own on field version of voodoo.

Whilst the Prossiah is used to piercings in his hands and feet, his back today must look like a hairy pin cushion with his vertebrae resembling Janet Street-Porter's front teeth.

But referee Byron Stander or By Stander for short, or his blindsman did nothing- especially for that blatant penalty when Meechan was tackled from behind and lost both boots and two pairs of socks in the challenge.

On the other hand, if anyone breathed on the Home Keeper it was deemed a foul.

Strange indeed- I remember the days when football used to be a contact sport rather than a contact lens one.

In fairness, this style of non-committal does allow the game to flow and to the credit of both sides the match was played in the true Corinthian sporting spirit.

Despite the fact one of our ex-players, the much traveled Stuart Fleetwood was captaining the Swindon Side and as the stadium announcer read out the name of the former Martyr, it was greeted with more boo's than an episode of Casper the Friendly Ghost.

And wouldn't you know it- in his centenary season, he scored his one hundredth goal -98 of them for different clubs but all against Merthyr.

Seeing him line-up against us always induces the fear that Fleetwood score.

Listening to the Penydarren Boys & Girls Club centre halves after Town had out played them in a pre-season friendly they named him as their most difficult player to mark ever.

Rumours persist that he only has Isle of Man United FC to represent before he gets his full Panini Non-League Sticker Club collection complete.

Besides with his Billy Whizz running style, he could certainly be the model for the club crest.

But today even Fleetwood was outshone by his strike partner and local poet,
Conor McDonagh.

Even before he became 'Double Trouble' ...it didn't take the Supermarine version of
Douglas Bader ( Douglas Bard-er?) to 'spitfire' and 'Race to his Brace'.

The first of which was a spectacular first half strike after he ROLLED his man and neatly cut inside our inexperienced  full back Connor Young and blasted an Exocet passed the Webbed fingers of Academy Keeper, Lewys.

Conor McDonagh was simply poetry in motion.

To be sure...two be sure...

And speaking of trees ....how many footballs must Swindon Supermarine lose every season?...the ground is ringed by more High Trees than Trefechan ( local joke -Ownes) and the ball was continually landing in them, making them look like they were Christmas football baubles.

Barry Thomas and Phil Mack would have to complete lumberjack courses if they decided to switch allegiance.

Furthermore, a strange looking structure has been added sometime since 2010, in what I can only describe as a leather bio dome.

Blending seamlessly with the Swindon Skyline, it looks like a Planning Officer's living nightmare, but actually contains an all-weather training pitch ( as long as it doesn't burst), excellent Academy facilities and has had the added bonus of saving the Club over 1000 footballs in recent seasons, most of which were then recycled to continue to weatherproof the structure.

The 'Supermarine Sphinx' has recently also been listed in the Seven Modern Wonders of Wiltshire, alongside Longleat House, the real Downton Abbey, the Swindon Old Town
Bread Pudding Emporium and of course the Marlborough Carpet Warehouse.

Unfortunately for Merthyr there was no wonder at all on the pitch.

Which is not to be unexpected in view of the continued absence of sone senior players and lots of the current team carrying more knocks than the Black Knight in Monty Python's Holy Grail Film.

True,  they were only 'flesh wounds' but playing three at the back and other players out of position- albeit enforced by our current injury blight-was asking for trouble- against a pacy Swindon Supermarine Squadron- especially as our former veteran Striker had arranged for his
Zimmer frame to have an added flame tattoo down the side and to be souped up and endorsed
'Fleet's Lightening'.

It was not just the frontmen either that had pace to exploit the space, behind and to the side of our three centre halves.

I asked a Marine Boy who was that Supermarine pilot that comes out of the sun and goes on bombing raids down our right flank.

To which he replied 'Henry Spalding'

I said 'That's a bit unkind ...I know he doesn't have much hair for a young lad but most of the best players rarely do...Wayne Rooney, Jonjo Shelvey...have you read the Wikipedia Page of Dean Clarke?'

With Merthyr 3-0 down and decidedly second best the referee suddenly changed tack and gave the odd decision to the Away Team.

Coupled with the desire shown by academy substitutes including young number 9 -
Connor Hanford- the average age in the Merthyr side went down to that of a Rolling Stone's second wife- and finally a bit of the 'eye of the tiger' crept into the Martyrs.

Alas the Marine Goal led a charmed life and I knew it wasn't to be our day when goalkeeper Will Henry made a superb double save late on.

Proving wrong the adage 'where there's a Will there's a Way'.

The game ended with a somewhat flattering 3-0 home win for Supermarine, and realistically ends our false hope of finishing in the home play-off places.

Unfortunately, unless someone can find the fabled Reddy Money Atalanta Hoard (reputed to buried somewhere at Penydarren Park) then I doubt we will see SuperGav make an appearance in the Sky TV January Transfer Window.

Even then the other club will have to take Green Shield Stamps in part payment.

Anyway, Swindon Supermarine is recommended as an Away Day for all Merthyr Fans for the warm welcome we always receive.

Go see the Supermarine Sphinx....but stay for the exquisite bread pudding
(unless your playing that is).....

Or even just for the Rock n Roll.


Boz


Last edited by Boz1964 on Mon Dec 31, 2018 2:11 am; edited 3 times in total (Reason for editing : Bread Pudding overload Hallucinations)
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Boz1964

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