Once Met never forgotten

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Once Met never forgotten

Post  Boz1964 on Sat Sep 15, 2018 1:37 pm

Once Met Never Forgotten

With the Wolverhampton Martyr having used all the best police puns, what was left for poor misquoted 'Box' to use?

It has been a strange day indeed.

It started with a Met Coach, bringing Met Coaches to the Met Coaches Community Stadium with only the blue light flashing on the roof providing a clue as to its occupants.

As the away side trooped off the bus, you could see they were going to be well drilled - as they all lined-up and dressed to the right - with  boots freshly 'Polised' and 'bulled' whilst endorsed by Lee Dixon of Doc Green.

I had assumed that 'Police Academy' had come to investigate the 'Wiki-Gate' scandal,  in which Dean Clarke's Wikipedia page had been altered by a 'crazed' fan to show he was now with effect from Wednesday, the new Hereford FC Manager.

Just in case, the Merthyr Town management had prepared a set of golden handcuffs and placed a 10 metre exclusion zone around Gavin Williams as he told the Police-
 'Don't stand so close to me'.

Even so, he had to deflect the odd 'message in a bottle' and a brown envelope, which was delivered by fictional Detective Bulman, who had hitched a lift on the coach at Hereford Road, London.

With our near footballing neighbours now rudderless and pointless, the biggest concern of the Merthyr fans wasn't the arrival of PC McGarry number 452 of Camberwick Green but the visit of a completely different kind of Green.

Now the Metropolitan Police Team is much more cosmopolitan than it was in the past.

Not all the players have to be serving police officers nowadays, nor do they all have to emanate from London.

Their surnames in the 'Police line-up' suggest that they come from as far a field as the Midlands, Surrey and even Ireland and New Scotland originally.

As the teams filed out to the sound of Thin Lizzy's the Boys are back in Town and Z-Cars respectively, the older, more experienced home side were kitted out in the traditional black n white, with the younger looking Met 'Boys in Blue'.

The game saw the home debut of Springbok Welsh keeper, Steve Cann, who saved his
Town Ship from sinking early on after a neat shot from forward Jack Mazzone, who really
'Let him have it'.

In the battle of the Gavins, Met Police Manager, Gavin MacPherson had come with a plan to steal away the three points from the former Roman Fort at Penydarren Park.

It was code named 'Operation Tiberius' and he was out to corrupt the title dreams of his Welsh counterpart.

Having done his P.A.C.E homework about flying winger Corey Jenkins, he was a little startled to find that he was only on the substitute's bench for the start of the match.

He looked as gutted as his full back , Nesta Guinness-Walker, who had been on a
speed awareness course all week to learn how to mark him.

On the left flank, under the police radar, came the vertically challenged Kerry Morgan, who did more damage to the police than the Hillsborough enquiry.

He created the first goal for Captain Marble on 12 minutes, when he lofted a beautiful cross to be 'met' by the head of the midfielder to put Merthyr one- up.

It didn't take long for history to repeat itself, as the coppers turned to bronze statues once again, as the creative genius scampered down the wing and put the ball this time on the head of Ian Traylor to 'dibble' the lead.

At this point, a policeman's lot was not a happy one.

Whilst on the other hand, civilian Morgan's touch all game was sublime - as he seems to have invented a version of foot golf that no-one can equal- and his happy on-field smile showed he was really enjoying leaving the Met 'flat footed'.

He really is a joy to watch and deservedly came off in the second half to a standing ovation.

How the Met Police FC must rue their height restriction rule.

With the 'London Waiting'  Game not working, McPherson decided he must change his earlier 'softly, softly' approach and throw 'caution' to the wind.

He got his reward with a goal just on half-time from the ever 'bizzy' John Gilbert, who ghosted into the Merthyr Half,  after a 'secret policeman's ball' and slotted past Cann to cut the deficit.

The goal was the footballing equivalent of Clearasil for the youngsters, as it totally changed
the complexion of the game.

Just before Half-time is always the perfect time to score and with the receipt of a good - luck message from Metropolitan Chief Commissioner, Cressida Dick for the second half,
the bunch of Dicks had renewed confidence they could get something for their efforts.

They squad were now 'flying' and were determined that the Welsh side would soon feel the full 'force' of their baton charge.

As if tasered by the opposition, the Merthyr lads started getting sloppy with their passing, with only last minute tackles by Matthew Harris and Jarrad Wright stopping the Bow Street Runners in their tracks.

A claim by the Met defensive players for a penalty for handball in the area was ignored by referee Ciaran Barlow, as the 'Appeels' from the Guildford 4, the Birmingham 6 and the Maguire 7 were this time waved away.

The tackling in midfield began to get ferocious, as Keiran Lewis began to tire, and the younger, fitter police cadets went into the ascendancy, as Merthyr started to lose their shape, it seemed inevitable that the Met would equalise.

With the introduction of the Met 15, which changed the game dramatically by thickening up the thin blue line in midfield the Met 'warranted' a second.

When it came, it was from a shot on the turn from blonde striker number 999, Jack Mazzone .

It was a 'fair cop' too.

'Whoop- whoop' was the sound of the police fans.

As they pushed forward for the winner, I feared that Captain Ashley Evans' memory of the
clash would be - I fought the Law and the law won.

Fortunately, the Merthyr lads hung on for an honourable draw, in what was a very enjoyable game for the spectators, which simply flew by.

It would have been criminal if the Met hadn't got something out of the match, as they deserved a point in fairness.

I don't know if SuperGav will be ecstatic at this result Orgreave, but after having a 'monopoly'  of 90% possession in the first half ( 9/10's of the law) , I was glad we managed to use
our 'get out of jail free'' in the second half and take 'custody' of a point.

Today, it was an unforgettable game of football in which we more than 'Met' our 'Match'.

Boz


Last edited by Boz1964 on Sat Sep 15, 2018 1:50 pm; edited 2 times in total (Reason for editing : Brutality)
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Re: Once Met never forgotten

Post  Solihull Martyr on Sat Sep 15, 2018 1:47 pm

WOLVERHAMPTON!

Try leafy Solihull!

Sorry about the Box - bl**dy spell checker.

And PACE only applies if you are in Custody - as opposed to the second-half custard!
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Box Cleverer next time

Post  Boz1964 on Sat Sep 15, 2018 1:55 pm

Box indeed.....

So you should say Soli....Boz
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Re: Once Met never forgotten

Post  OWNES1 on Sun Sep 16, 2018 3:38 am

You have been saving up all these puns when you heard the Police were in our league, except one "Let's be having you". Guilty as charged. Do you know a good brief.

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Thinking outside the Boz

Post  Boz1964 on Sun Sep 16, 2018 8:33 am

A good brief?

Are you planning a return to 'undercover' work then?

Believe me I am yet to meet anyone in my profession that is good or brief.

Boz

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Re: Once Met never forgotten

Post  OWNES1 on Sun Sep 16, 2018 12:42 pm

Ditto.

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