The Bishops Finger

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The Bishops Finger

Post  Boz1964 on Sat Sep 09, 2017 12:28 pm

The Bishop's Finger.

Bishop Stortford at home was always likely to be an 'anti-climax' after the brilliant
Stan 'Collie-More' Gentleman's evening at Webley's last night.

The only disappointment was he didn't answer my suggested questions, as to whether he preferred Pedigree or Autoglass (as a shirt sponsor) or if he had ever heard a forecast from a weather girl 'that the coast was clear on dogger bank'.

Of course , before his elevation to the sporting elite and notorious changing of the meaning of lay-by forever, many youngsters won't be aware of the fact that Stan the Man once played at Penydarren Park Stadium for Stafford Rangers but that unlike our 3G pitch he proved last night that he hasn't forgotten his 'grassroots'.

Now speaking of sponsored shirts - I was delighted to squeeze into the new home Merthyr shirt - proudly displaying more rolls than Howfield's bakery window but was disappointed to discover that despite the main sponsors being Trade Centre Wales they would not take part-exchange on my old Aaron Cornwall shirt from seasons past.

Now with Bishop Stortford languishing at the foot of the table, you would assume that Merthyr were in for another Willand Rovers style-goal fest but clearly the football God in the sky had other ideas.

As His Representatives on Earth - the Pope and both Princes of Wales' William & Ben Woodburn will confirm, if you don't shoot you don't score - and today, Merthyr to my recollection only had one shot on target all game and that was an Ian Traylor free kick ( or was that a freak kick) late in the game.

Now I don't have any FIFA coaching badge or management experience/ tactical training but I was surprised to see striker Stuart Fleetwood playing out of position near the right wing and with borrowed Newport Mo Touray upfront in the 'loan' striker role much preferred by the Management.

Mo, in the opening period to his credit looked fantastic, leading the line and didn't look a slouch at all ( as Peter Harman's classy photos will show later on his Super Slow-Mo camera), whereas poor Stuart in unfamiliar territory went 'swiftly' from Fleetwood to Deadwood at that stage.

It was particularly odd, as we had two quality wingers gathering their own wood in the shape of
splinters from the substitutes bench itching to get into the action.

Perhaps that is why the game became 'distorted' with the Away side showing that at this time of the season the league table, just like a Cynon Valley Estate Agent can 'speak with forked tongue'.

The Blue Bishops ( no -not a Collymore Winter euphemism) from Hertfordshire, seemed to exploit this missing piece in our chess-like line-up and started to build up attacks from deep inside their own half, feeding the ball forward 'diagonally' to their big number 9 Dipo Akinyemi.

He looked a real handful and bar for the excellent defending again from that centre half pairing of Wright and Tancock giving him stick , Dipo would have filled his boots.

At the other end of the pitch, Mo Touray was doing his best to open the 'Hert' Locker but he was well marshalled by the comic book sounding villain 'Marvel Ekpiteta' and of course experienced 'Welsh Manager' Mark Hughes.

Most of the Merthyr Fans who had supported the Club financially last night, looked tired and drained, as I had to ask one to stop snoring so loudly as he was putting our players off their game.

And if I woke him up with a start, then the Stortford Fullback did his level best to flatten Corey Jenkins with an elbow tackle straight out of the Alan Shearer Directory.

The Bishop Basher caught him flush in the face which was seen by everyone in our stand including Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder and Roy Orbison but amazingly not the referee or the linesman, whose lamb-chop sideburns must have obscured his vision.

The game ended goalless but only after Jarrad Wright had reconstructed his recurring Hitchin nightmare with a header late on which nearly broke the David Miles Stand roof.

Man of the Match for me was the outstanding Oliver Davies whose positioning today was faultless and catching exceptional and we have him and Scott to Tanc for keeping our unbeaten run going.

I just hope these missed 'goal-den' opportunities do not come back to haunt us come May once again.

But whilst I can forgive Merthyr for today's abject performance in front of goal , even the Christian Bishop of Stortford would find it difficult to forgive and forget an act of heresy from one of the Merthyr Town congregation.

It came in the form of an epistle from the stands in the updated Dial M for Merthyr -
a 'pub'-lication that I have never understood but purchased 'regularly' anyway.

Sadly, one contributor has taken umbrage at my freebie attempts to entertain ( in much the same spirit as the Merthyr missive) the old bees in the Town hive.

The basis of the objection was the misinterpreted 'effort' to show how 'clever and funny' the writer is.

Well it doesn't need an NVQ in printing to realise that it doesn't take much 'effort' when you are naturally talented, intelligent and comedic - whereas others are simply destined to linger at the back of the 'envy queue'.

As was pointed out to to campaigning censor Mary Whitehouse in the 1970s, there is always the option of the off button if you don't like what you see or don't have the intellect to comprehend.

Most of the older swarm seem to like this source of nectar, whereas perhaps the
new b's prefer ambrosia creamed rice in the Taj Mahal.

Humour, like a taste for honey or curry, is subjective and the new periodical Dial N for Numpty or new bee is living proof of that - some like to sit and laugh weekly during a game, whereas others like to drone on from the stands monthly, in period pain and with a leaky bottom, attempting to sting other worker bees that are busy promoting the apiary.

Read it and weep with laughter or wipe as I think 'regular' forum readers know what I do with mine after.

Perhaps in his honour the Main Stand toilet should be graffitied with 'Killjoy was here' naturally in vindaloo- so that he does somehow leave his individual quality mark on the World.

Of course, any Muppet who takes inspiration from Sesame Street characters should watch the Henson Christmas Carol rather than reading the big words of Charles Dickens - but the message is the same - you can tell the measure of a man by 'counting' the quality and number of friends - and just like the Main Stand toilet -the seating area is invitation only.

But as the Bishop of Stortford would confirm the Chairman of the Merthyr Town loves 'ALL creatures however great and small' and as long as they 'beehive' themselves they are welcome at OUR Club or have the option to turn Boz-off or buzz off or 'bog- off' ( Buy One Get One Full-Can for Free) to pastures new b, taking their vitriol with them- as they won't rain on our parade.

In the words of Park View Jukebox 'philosopher' Bobby McFerrin - Bee Happy- for once in what 'can' otherwise turn into a short, sad, 'bitter' lifetime.

No beer for Boz today but no missed goals either -

perhaps a big case of Bishops Finger might help cure a certain persons 'Ale-meant'.

That Clever and Amusing Boz
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Boz1964

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Re: The Bishops Finger

Post  rustic on Sat Sep 09, 2017 12:49 pm

You are right about your shirt and the defence Boz

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Rust a Gut

Post  Boz1964 on Tue Sep 12, 2017 12:36 pm

Perhaps I need to change my beer diet to something more moderator...Boz
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Boz1964

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Re: The Bishops Finger

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