It's a Farny Old Game

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It's a Farny Old Game

Post  Boz1964 on Sat Aug 26, 2017 2:05 pm

It's a Farny Old Game Saint

As I passed the Farnborough mini-bus parked on the Load-Lok Drive, I rubbed my hands with glee at the prospect that Merthyr Town were about to be handed three easy home points.

History has shown that teams at our level that have to resort to arriving at stadiums in cars and minibuses are not just struggling financially but also on the pitch too- a fact we know all too well from our own past experiences.

But having to pick up a hitchhiker to play from outside Harry Potter World means a club is not just struggling but desperate too.

However, their 7 whose normal day job is as stunt double for Potter- nemesis Voldemort, for the first twenty or so minutes in the first half not just played the part of an extra but took centre stage at the Welsh Footballing centre of wizardry running the show from midfield like he was a man possessed.

His right wand sent forward some wonderfully floated quidditch balls for their number 8 to latch onto for the big fella upfront Matt Bunyan to get his toe to.

Voldemort or to give this talented footballer his Brazilian name- Emerson- seemed to be doing the work of three men- not missing his injured colleagues, Lake ( Water on the knee) and Palmer (self-induced injury) as he set about entertaining the tiny band of village green Farnies that had come to support their team abroad.

It was a real fanfare for the 'common' man.

And the Away side were really hard done by the officials, when after another through ball to their monastic striker, saw our centre half get one of his tracks caught in a tancs trap and his last minute lunge at Cadfael Rasputin Cambrensis prevented their goal-getter 'homelanding' in on the Merthyr net.

From my line of vision , he was definitely the last man in the defensive line and should have seen red for the foul but the linesman's 'call of duty' from his sideline play station suggested there would be cover to stop a certain goal.

Not for the first time this season I disagreed with the officials and our Swansea stalwart got off almost 'Scott'-free with a yellow card.

Behind me in the stand, the Tancock Fan Club- the Fancocks- looked awfully worried.

Gateshead Martyr, the injured Scott Barrow, was concerned that as he had brought a magpie back from Newcastle to the game - this might have proved an unlucky omen.

It was still tastier though than a Hodgkins Peter's Pie.

But I am not a superstitious man - touch wood- and was as relieved as the next man when the referee incorrectly brandished a 'mellow yellow' which Donovan appreciated Hippily.

In fairness to the Farnborough Manager, he took the decision on the 'Jimmy Hill' with little complaint and showed much more restraint than a Henri Paul's seat belt.

To say that at that point Merthyr looked sluggish but assistant manager Dean Clarke didn't need computer technology to assess the player movement statistics- he only had to follow the slime trials on the 3G pitch- Farnborough were by far the better side not only in terms of passing and threat but also their striker was getting more than his share of the ball in close proximity to the Home penalty area.

It was like Voldemort had a location device to enable him to find the head of his big striker which seemed to be hitting him in the same 'polo' spot every time.

An alternative Farnborough Hair Show if you like.

And then like all football matches there was a pivotal moment.

The moment when not only Voldemort had his nose put out of joint.

What seemed like an innocent challenge in the Merthyr half, developed into a war of words, then a rutting competition between the Farnborough Stag Josh Huggins and Merthyr Bambi * Kerry Morgan.

*Not to be confused with Adrian Needs

The Saintly Referee, Dale Wootton - who could not do any wrong in my eyes- then dismissed Huggins and also reported him to Esther Rantzen's childline at the same time.

As the frustrated Away Captain left the field - his anger at Bambi seemed to be vented on the wall of the Merthyr tunnel, as he suddenly turned into Thumper- with the sound of broken knuckles reverberating around the Main Street.

It certainly didn't sound like Huggins anyway.

Eleven v Eleven it had been an even contest but as soon as Farnborough lost their wingman then their 'formation' went out of the window too.

Up until then the only Martyr who looked capable of winning an aerial dogfight was loanee Cameron Pring.

It may be late Summer but there was definitely Pring in the Air.

His poise, balance and elegance on the ball made him look the complete player.

If Scott Barrow hadn't been in the stand behind me, I would have said he was the best player in Penydarren Park by a Country mile....whilst it is early days ...our adopted Wurzel looks to be the signing of the season.

The Yellows tried their best to stay on level terms but as soon as they went a man down, Merthyr with the extra player suddenly woke up from hibernation and started to play football.

The first goal came from our 'thoroughbred' stallion, Corey Jenkins who galloped down the left wing, cut inside one player then jumped Beecher's Brook before jockeying for position and setting up Adam Davies for his first of the season.

It was harsh on the Farnborough defence as until then they had proved more dogged than a
Stan Collymore Gentleman's Evening.

But it was great for the young defender to get his name on the scoresheet, as he is almost as model a Professional as new EUFA centrefold Eddie Thomas.

The size zero mine-owner known in fashion houses Dior, Gucci and Chanel as 'Eddie-Face' was as proud of the Penyardian's tap-in as he was of sitting on the same stage as Paul Pogba, Lionel Messi and Allan Ownes.

Even if he reckoned he could have 'cat-walked it in himself'.

They say that just before half-time is best time to score- but not only in football as Kate Moss swears by it too- and this proved to be the case for the hard working Kerry Morgan.

Now most of the cast of glee in the stand behind me think that my desperation for either a pint or the resulting pee results in a goal for Merthyr....and sadly for me it proved to be the case again twice today.

Last season I missed two goals in one game and today history repeated itself again.

In my eyes we won one-nil but apparently both Kerry Morgan AND Stuart Fleetwood scored too.

I honestly thought the bunch of happy campers around he were pulling my leg ( like Jarrad Wright does to strikers when he is hungry) but on checking the full time scores they weren't kidding.

Three pints, two invisible goals and another Home win has made me happy.

Another comfortable victory to rise Town up the table.

And what have I got planned for this Bank Holiday Weekend you wonder?....

A trip to Hereford perhaps.

Nope ...much more pressing matters.

Pig's bladder or Boz's bladder?

It's Colostomy bag shopping time for me.

It's a Farny old game Saint......but not when you hit the urinal but miss the goals.



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