The Comeback Kings

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The Comeback Kings

Post  Boz1964 on Sat Apr 01, 2017 4:44 pm

The Comeback Kings

As the season draws to conclusion there is still plenty of drama for us fans to enjoy.

Now on paper, Fifth Placed Merthyr Town should have been a certainty for an away win at Hertfordshire side Kings Lowly, who were Langley-ishing down near the foot of the table.

After three successive seasons of promotion, they are now finding life tough at this current level of football.

For anyone who has been there, it is a spit and sawdust club that has risen up from proper grassroots football and is enjoying riding the crest of their current wave.

Now I have nothing but respect for a club that has a Chairman that serves behind the bar and fans that were more welcoming than a Spanish Hotel without air conditioning.

However, their Spanish goalkeeper Xavi Comas was less hospitable, as he became party pooper number 1 , after saving an early penalty from long serving winger Ian Traylor.

It takes a special player who can celebrate 300 games for a club and anyone who has watched him play knows he is very special indeed.

Today, his star shone as bright as his new hair colouring.

A local Kings Langley resident who was originally from Troedyrhiw asked me who he was and I replied he was on loan from Barcelona and that he on automatic mode not 'Manuel'.

After watching him outplay the Kings Langley side almost single handedly, he began to believe me.

The match started as it meant to go on, as inside the first minute Captain Marble was left in a heap near the centre of the pitch by a tackle that 'Plowrighted' through our leader which referee Gareth Viccars should have rewarded the Royalist with a yellow card and his removal from the 'Civil List'

Ashley Evans just screwed his foot back on - like the terminator he is- and wiped the sand off his shorts and carried on calmly.

Up front , Josh Bull continued his impressive early form and looked sharper than Sweeney Todd's strop and it was no surprise that it was he that won an early penalty for his new side, after a tackle that would have shaken all the goods in a Post-Brexit China Shop.

It may have been the pressure of the occasion getting to Traylor (as he has only played 299 games before) but his spot kick was saved by the elongated Spaniard Comas, who was clearly not sleeping like his name had suggested.

For the next ten or so minutes, Kings Langley became more pinned back than a Lineker family photo album.

But that elusive first goal would not come.

Bull was twisting and turning, running the Kings Langley defenders like they were trapped in a narrow Pamplona street and the crowd seemed strangely muted.

The reason soon became clear as most of the Merthyr away support had not yet arrived with 25 minutes on the clock.

Rumours abounded that the Bennettorial Army were still pinting it in the Catholic Arms, but the truth soon emerged that their coach had broken down on the M40 some forty or so miles from Kings Langley.

Apparently, they had suffered a blowout whilst doing 60 mph, after the young inexperienced coach driver had mistakenly believed that 60/60 was the correct tyre pressure rather than the name of his new transportation firm.

If it hadn't been for the heroism of Bristolian Nigel's beard acting as an impromptu 'HairBag' then things could have taken a turn for the worse.

The Bennettorial Army bus has in seasons past become used to many 'blowouts' of pie n chips and the tyre bursting wasn't greeted with any initial panic, as the occupants merely assumed it was Donovan blowing off yet another 'Mellow Yellow'.

But thankfully, 'tragedy' was avoided when the Steps' cassette tape was turned over quickly by the driver.

Back on the bumpy Kings Langley pitch ( which in the close season must double as the local golf course) Kyle Patton was finding it hard to avoid the sand traps with his balls, as he dodged between more bunkers than Adolf Hitler in the last stages of World War 2.

He limped off the uneven pitch at the end of the game with an icepack attached to his ankle that was big enough to have holed the Titanic.

After riding out the initial Merthyr storm, Langley tried to hit back with their first real attempt of the half.

It came after campanologist goalkeeper Oliver Davies dropped another clanger, spilling a relative easy catch which fell at the feet of Langley top scorer Lewis Toomey.

It caught him by surprise when his fellow Chuckle Brother gave it to you then Toomey but his shot was more threatening to the passing London bound Virgin train than it was the Merthyr net.

The let-off was gratefully received by SuperGav and Clarkie, who could clearly see that their side were on top possession-wise but needed that killer touch.

Cometh the Hour, Cometh the Hero in the shape of Scott Barrow- or Pitt the Younger to his Hollywood Friends.

It is said that 'Fortune favours the Brave' and that' brave 'was our quality left back Aldo the Apache.

He beat one player, cut inside and let loose a shot from outside the area that flew passed the outstretched arms of Xavi Comas to 'punctuate' his goal....Full Stop.

As the Merthyr player celebrated with the Merthyr Fans, all thoughts of their near-death experience faded, as SuperGav headed down the long tunnel towards the bright white light.

With Club a Langley on the ropes and seemingly 'Rockying', it was left to our leading Spartan of the 300 Club, Ian Traylor to add a goal to mark his impressive performance.

His wonderful link up play on the left with Adam Davies resulted in a well taken goal which flew into the net through the keepers legs.

Both players proved this week that they are fond of their own 'Nut Megs'.

With the game virtually won ( on Clarkie's touch line PlayStation tactics board) the Management decided to bring on Kyle Copp and Jay Bowen.

Previous changes by SuperGav have normally had the 'Lazarus effect' on our tiring Merthyr players....but sadly today it was to work in reverse.

At the back for the Kings, central defender Jorell Johnson was busy tearing out his Afro after he had been the former British Rock of Gibraltar upon which the Langley defence was built around.

With three minutes left on the clock and nothing left to lose, the Kings defender decided to 'abdicate' his position at the back and marched forward with his 10,000.00 men to the top of the Merthyr Hill and it suddenly paid more dividends than a Philip Green BHS refund, as the added pressure made the usually unflappable Tancock/Wright combination flap.

With a goal back the Kings suddenly realised the restoration of the Monarchy was possible, after the Roundheads of our centre halves had reformed to a square back forehead.

Merthyr had become anamorphic ( that is for you Ownes to look up) and there was no way for the Merthyr Management to realise that referee Gareth Viccars would add on twelve minutes stoppage time.

I can only assume the home side plied the official with extra Earl Grey in the halftime interval, after all Donovan himself was heard to proclaim 'More Tea Viccars' after a shrill blast of his own.

Mr Tea for Club A Langley if you like.

After Lee Stobbs had equalised with a scrambled goal at the death after a late 'Fro' -in from their number 5 (Jackson5?) our keeper tried to blame it on the sunshine, the moonlight or the boogie.

In the end, a 2-2 draw felt like daylight robbery to the Kings or to give it's other name -
Income Tax- in a game Merthyr and Ian Traylor thoroughly deserved to win.

But credit has to be given to the Hertfordshire Minnows and their drum-wielding young pre-teenage fans- as these well dressed East End gangster children didn't stop supporting their team for the whole 102 minutes.

The real 'Sopranos' or Watford Gap kids were busy intimidating Kyle Copp in the warm-up and the half-time and I reckon he would have scored too late on despite sliding into the sponsors boards ....if only it hadn't have been for those meddling kids.

He left with the standard Kings Langley phone code 01923 Imprinted onto his forehead to help hide the blushes of a Merthyr team that should have left with three points on three tyres as they headed back to South Wales.

There may be Rocky Times ahead for Langley but no one tonight can take that point away from the Comeback Kings.

Boz


afro


Last edited by Boz1964 on Sun Apr 02, 2017 1:04 am; edited 4 times in total (Reason for editing : Typos galore after a late blowout of my own)
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Boz1964

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Re: The Comeback Kings

Post  OWNES1 on Sun Apr 02, 2017 3:18 am

Glad to see the bromance is back on. Thank you for the full explanation of the big word of the week. I am sure the many other fans of your literary genius will be grateful as (except for the more educated ones) we can now enjoy even more the context of your match report. Again I would not have appreciated the one this week.

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Putting a Susie Dent in it

Post  Boz1964 on Sun Apr 02, 2017 3:47 am

Language and most of it colourful is often heard behind the goal in Away matches.

On occasion Ownes, it is fortunate that our accent makes it difficult for the Saesneg to understand, as I often hear reference to 'Countdown' usually after one of the opposing players has fallen to the ground after a mistimed challenge.

Boz
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Re: The Comeback Kings

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