Down in the Weymouth

Go down

Down in the Weymouth

Post  Boz1964 on Sat Mar 11, 2017 1:52 pm

Down in the Weymouth

As the season enters into its final stage, teams are busy jostling for play-off positions or looking down to avoid the relegation trapdoor into the Evostik First Division.

Weymouth last season, were regarded by our stalwart fans as one of the best footballing sides in our division and gave Merthyr a real lesson on the park, winning comfortably 3-1.

Today, certainly in the first half, I felt like Shania Twain, as they 'didn't impress me much'.

Their fans however were in a different class.

The Terras-cotta Warriors had assembled their support in the Atalanta Away Stand and promptly provided more entertainment off the field than their players produced on it.

Merthyr on the other hand started brightly with Keyon Refell thumping one early shot against the Weymouth bar with their keeper looking on 'gingerly', as it rebounded to safety and was cleared by their French Captain across the English Channel to safety.

For the first twenty or so minutes, they were so much on the back foot that the Weymouth players must have wished they had put their boots on backwards to save time back- pedalling.

The creative spark seemed to be flowing from the outstanding Eliot Evans, who was having the game of his life, seeing more space than Tim Peake, as he twisted and turned like a human corkscrew, causing the Terra defence real terror, as he danced towards their penalty box.

The Weymouth defence retreated further back than the shingle on Chesil Beach at high tide, seemingly unable to break out of their safe harbour of their penalty box.

With all that pressure it seemed only a matter of time before Merthyr took the lead and when it did it was a real screamer.

It came from the sure shot boot of Captain Ashley Evans, who slammed a 'marble-ous' shot passed their keeper for the Merthyr lead.

Poor Ron Weasley in the Weymouth goal just checked the holes in his gloves, as the flaming quidditch ball flew passed him as if laser guided.

The fact that their side had gone one-nil down didn't seem to register with the Warrior Fans, as they continued to party like they were on a foreign holiday in Benidorm, stripping off their tops a la Newcastle United fans and dancing away draped in an outsized flag which had pre-Brexit been a table cloth in a clotted cream establishment on the English Riviera.

One 'Hardy' fan, who for legal reasons we shall call Portland Bill, proclaimed his dying love for Daniel Sturridge and looked to be from a more affluent area than the others, as both of his tattoos were correctly spelt.

Back on the pitch, Merthyr were playing some lovely one touch football and running rings around the Dorset Defence but couldn't put the finishing touch to add to their lead.

Halftime came with Merthyr 1-0 up , but with a real sense amongst the fans that their domination of possession but lack of cutting edge would come back to bite Town in the (Theatre) end.

The Merthyr substitute players came out early in the hope of finding a fortune in the shape of the many sixpences that Eliot Richards had turned on in the first half.

The second half started in much the same way as the first, with Merthyr winning the football and Weymouth the shin-kicking contest.

I didn't think that the Cheltenham based referee Oakey was still in the 'human league' , as the Bob Todd lookalike from the Benny Hill Show let more crunching tackles on the Merthyr players go in the middle of the park, as poor Ashley Evans took more punishment than a budget- affected dominatrix.

True -what goes around , comes around and most people won't be surprised to learn that Captain Marble is down on the CIA watch list as 'no Weeping Hills Angel ' and he promptly responded by clattering one poor Terra player with one bone cruncher of his own, near the edge of the Weymouth area and rightly got booked by the referee.

Thankfully he resisted slapping his bald head otherwise he would have had yet another early bath being run for him by Chubbsy.

(Boz note: I hope there is enough mention of Ashley Evans to please Rustic this week -who had withdrawal symptoms recently).

Now with Merthyr seemingly 'coasting', the game was to turn on its beachy head, after an innocuous challenge on Keyon Refell near the halfway line.

Fed up of the niggle kicks that were going unpunished by the officials, he decided in a moment of madness, to take retribution into his own hands or to put it more precisely his feet, and he casually flicked a kick at his opposite number, right under the nose of the card-carrying myopic Mr Magoo.

Just like David Beckham in the infamous Simeone incident (which sadly cost England their Second World Cup trophy in 1990) he struck the Weymouth player with a career threatening graze and was forced to use the bath water (previously run in anticipation of Captain Marble's next challenge) as he joined the band of Ex-players already off the pitch.

It was to prove a major turning point in the match.

Keyon became Key-off.

11 v 11 Merthyr looked untroubled.

10 v 11 Weymouth looked like Brazil and Barcelona combined as their 8 ( Jake Wannell-be) now was granted the freedom of Wales turning defence into attack , finding 'lebensraum' and surprisingly discovering that there was in fact TWO penalty areas on the pitch.

With the tide now turning in favour of the South Coast side, what was once a Welsh flow turned into an English Channel and it was only one chance that their experienced 9 (Fleetwood ) needed to put the Dor-set level.

He beat the offside trap only to take the ' Mick' by lobbing the on-rushing Oliver Davies for a fine finish in the Away sides' only real attack of merit.

It was harsh on Olly, as up until then his impeccable positional sense had made all other Terra efforts look tame.

But if Fleetwood was 'instrumental' in levelling the score, it was in part owed to the quality running of their winger 7 too, as Charlie Davis used the numerical advantage to attack the previously relaxed Scott Tancock, who was valiantly playing out of position due to our recent disciplinary failures.

Despite this on-field set back, the Club management looked happy, as the head count of the crowd was up by two in the stand, until they suddenly realised it was the suspended Gavin Williams & Scott Barrow) as Merthyr looked to be holding their own following a tactical reshuffle and with fresh legs a point looked likely.

And it was to get better, when from nowhere substitute Vapour Traylor put in a meaningful low ball into the danger zone, only to see Corey Jenkins have all three of his feet taken from under him by an unexpected Terra-wrist attack from behind resulting in a penalty kick.

After a short pause to move his hair out of his eyes, the short-sighted referee Oakey pointed to the penalty spot cafe as the place to take the kick.

Poor old SuperGav thought he was being targeted again, as he stood innocently leaning on his crutches waiting for his sausage n chips.

Young Kyle Copp stepped up to take the kick.

But would he turn out to be good Copp or Bad Copp?

Fortunately, he held his nerve and his testes and sent the carrot-haired keeper 'Miles' the wrong way to the massed ranks of the Bennettorial Army in the covered Park Chapel End stand.

With seven or so minutes left on the clock, it seemed that Merthyr would get the victory their first half performance so deserved.

But the in-form Fleetwood was not finished with his day out in the Principality.

He raced to the byline and put a beautifully judged cross which deflected off our number 5 right onto the head of their big number 6 Dean Evans, who slammed the ball home passed Davies for the equaliser.

It was only the first time that Curtis MacDonald had been beaten by the attack force all game but as time has shown - you can't beat a Fleetwood Mac 'chain' hit.

This sparked a celebration not seen at the Park for many a year.

The Terras Cotta Warriors suddenly turned around and realised that there was a football match going on behind them.

Cue a mass of topless models not seen since the Sun newspaper banned page 3.

As they celebrated wildly, man-boobs and misspelt tats exposed to the chilly Cymric air, there was much delight from the away fans, who previously had been content with singing the Dambusters tune and Right Said Fred numbers.

With their tails up, Weymouth could and possibly should have stolen a last minute winner from their French Defender and Captain.

Fortunately for Merthyr his header was too high and it went over Zubar.

In the end, it was a thrilling encounter between two decent footballing sides with Merthyr left to wonder what if they had continued to play with a full compliment of players?

It left us fans a little down in the Weymouth but still hopeful of a play off place to look forward to at the end of a great season for the Club.

Chippenham next up .

Let's hope the red mist that has recently descended over our players dissipates like a fog over Weymouth Harbour so that we can secure a Home Tie.

But we will have to Wey and sea.



Posts : 1990
Join date : 2012-10-08

Back to top Go down

Re: Down in the Weymouth

Post  rustic on Sun Mar 12, 2017 3:16 am

Nice to see the bromance is back on Boz.


Posts : 860
Join date : 2010-12-20

Back to top Go down

Re: Down in the Weymouth

Post  OWNES1 on Sun Mar 12, 2017 5:19 am

Yet another amazing report but from a personal note some of the big words are mindboggling to me. I am sure you must have an updated version of the COLLINS dictionary every Christmas and digest and use to confuse us mere non bards of supporters.


Posts : 170
Join date : 2013-04-02
Age : 56

Back to top Go down

Vocal Constabulary

Post  Boz1964 on Sun Mar 12, 2017 6:38 am

Afternoon Ownes,

What big words in this report?

Great, grand, enormous, Chippenham?

Surely they use such words in the Police Gazette?


Posts : 1990
Join date : 2012-10-08

Back to top Go down

Re: Down in the Weymouth

Post  OWNES1 on Sun Mar 12, 2017 3:10 pm

No, not even in the Ambulance.


Posts : 170
Join date : 2013-04-02
Age : 56

Back to top Go down

Re: Down in the Weymouth

Post  Sponsored content

Sponsored content

Back to top Go down

Back to top

Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum