No Bucks Fizz

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No Bucks Fizz

Post  Boz1964 on Sat Feb 11, 2017 4:51 pm

No Bucks Fizz

Well after all the scare stories from the BBC weather this week, warning of freezing conditions emanating from Russia, I expected Penydarren Park to look like Red Square with a carpet of red snow making the ground frozen and unplayable.

How wrong were the Michael Fish brigade once again, as the only Snowden from Russia this week is likely to be that of Edward of 'Wiki-leaks' fame.

True, there was plenty of Hayles but that was just in the form of Chesham United Manager Barry, who has played for just about every club in South England except the Hatters of Luton Town that is.

Now the visit of the Buckinghamshire outfit was never likely to draw a massive crowd, on a day when Wales entertained England at home in the Egg Nations Rugby, with the threat of Siberian weather and subzero temperatures would only attract the most staunch Merthyr fans clad in their all weather Dai-Caps or indeed other Mad Hatters to the iced half- time tea-party.

But despite the temptation to remain in their centrally heated homes watching sky football several stalwarts from the Chesham 'Bois' did too.

These Baptists came to be immersed in the Holy Water and intoxicating atmosphere of the Catholic Arms Pub, replete in their boots with brushes to a warm welcome from the Bennettorial Fan Army of Merthyr Town.

On the pitch, the away side were presented with an early opportunity to take the lead when our normally dependable Central Defender Curtis MCDonald slipped on a part of the pitch which had not escaped the earlier dusting of Chernobyl sleet (Boz note : I assume it was a McFlurry) which resulted in a penalty and a booking for Captain Marble for a desperate last ditch tackle on a Chesham Forward.

Now with previous Merthyr keepers, the award of a penalty has in the past meant Merthyr would be behind in the match.

But of course that was before the arrival of the powerful, elastic hands of goalie Oliver Davies.

Or to give him his newly allotted Boz nickname - 'Stretch Armstrong'.

He seems to have bigger palms than Kerry Everitt character ' Brother Lee Love'.

Apparently, Dean Clarke is actively encouraging defenders in matches to deliberately give away penalties so Olly can now save them.

He claims it's good for morale.

With the confidence oozing out of the Chesham team that were once United, Merthyr hit back and nearly scored themselves through the Prossiah.

Now if ever there was an excuse needed for a beard of that magnitude, it was today's freezing Russian conditions.

The Pontypridd Woolly Mammoth's shot seemed to be in slow motion, as it sailed through the cryogenically frozen air.

It felt like an Ice Age had passed before it was blocked on the line by a Chesham defender on its way to the net.

In a first half of few clear cut chances, both defences showed why they have been less charitable than a David Beckham e-mail, when it comes to conceding goals this season and both have ambitions of a play-off place.

The Chessmen and the Martyrs went in with the scoreline, a 'stalemate' at 0-0.

Whilst Town flattered to deceive, they didn't really look like scoring, with the usual goal catalyst, Ian Traylor looking decidedly under the Russian weather.

This season, he has had more assists to his name than a Swiss Euthanasia Clinic but today he was more like Comrade Traylov ice cubes.

The Man that bleeds for the Merthyr cause- literally became part of the Red Army, as he shouted to the bench that 'he Moscow and change his bleeding shirt' once again.

It takes a special kind of player to substitute himself and take one for team- a nosebleed that is- and he IS that special kind of player.

With the second half due to start, the Merthyr Fans in our stand had to organise a reshuffle of their own, as against the Chessmen, we were already two pawns down in the shape of long term injury worry Uncle G-g-Granville ( Septic feet) and Farmer Unigate from Abergavenny (Cowpox).

So much so that we had to move our recent signing diagonally.

Ken Bishop to Row 5.

As the Martyrs returned early to the pitch to a warm welcome, I hoped that the second half would prove to be like the siege of Stalingrad, with shots raining down on the goal of Chesham keeper, Ashlee Jones.

But alas it was not to be.

It was so cold on that pitch that Scott Barrow, when awaiting for the emergence of the Chessmen to kick-off put both of his hands down his shorts to keep them warm-after all it was brass monkey weather.

After the easiest spot-the-ball competition of the season so far- the game restarted with Merthyr attacking the Park Baptist Chapel end of the Baptists.

It was so cold that the Chesham keeper had brought out his own mobile phone with a British Gas heating app , which he had hidden in the rear of his person.

He even drew the curtain of dreadlocks on his fringe to keep out the biting Belo-Russian wind.

Whilst once again Merthyr were enjoying the majority of the possession, they were struggling to convert their half chances into goals.

In midfield, player of the season elect, Captain Marble was showing not only is he a hard tackling machine who can pinpoint a pass, but that he is good in the air too , which is a remarkable in view of his diminutive stature.

On the pitch today, he looked 6 feet 6 and won lots of dogfights both on the ground and in the sky too.

As did the Holy Beard, Ryan Hair, who seemed that was in Russian airspace longer than Cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin.

Now with time running out, in a must win match for the Martyrs, SuperGav decided to gamble.

He withdrew the Prossiah and Copp ( who looked beat) and in a double substitution put on the versatile Jarrad Wright and ex-Newport man Kyle to change the Patton of play.

Whether it was tactical genius or pure luck no one could say for certain, as while their keeper was distracted by a 'Booty Call' , Jarrad was in the Wright place at the right time with his right foot to right a wrong and put the Martyrs one up with less than fifteen minutes to go .

This saw defender, Benji Crilley crying for his Father Ted and left their best player -the number 8 - Sam Young - clutching his Alice band in disbelief, and instantly wiped the Chesham cat smile off the face of Barry Hayles.

And GavinWonderland.

The rest of the game was played out with no nonsense defending from that Russian T72 Tanc himself.

It was a welcome 1-0 victory in a match we desperately needed three points from.

Sadly, there was not to be any champagne for the 'Generals' still in the 'Land of Make Believe'.

It had been the ugliest win seen at the club, since we parted company with our previous owner.

Let's hope we can continue the run at Slough Saturday.



Posts : 1986
Join date : 2012-10-08

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