Solent Witness

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Solent Witness

Post  Boz1964 on Sat Sep 17, 2016 3:29 pm

Solent Witness

Hello, is that Hampshire Police I want to report a crime?.

Today,  between the hours of 3pm and 3.41pm there was a murder.

The Victim?

The beautiful game of football.

It may have been the FA Cup but today the match between lowly Portchester AFC and Merthyr Tydfil was certainly no classic tie fit for an Emir.

In fairness, the 'Hardy' Boys -the last remaining team from the Wessex League - had to reshuffle their limited pack due to injuries to their main strikers and were forced to play a defender up front.

Sadly, Merthyr had no such excuse.

Whether it was the quality of the opposition or the weather conditions but for the majority of the first half, the Welsh outfit were a pale shadow of the quality team they have been of late and looked out of sorts - like a Reliant Robin with a dodgy gearbox- they struggled to get out of first gear,  playing 'binary pass' route one football which was easily dealt with by the Portchester defence.

Managed by former Arsenal legend Graham Rix, the Portchester Mean Machine Team, absorbed the high ball game easily and having home advantage knew that the long grass and pyramidal slope of their former cricket pitch, would mean that the lofted ball over the top would run away safely to touch with the strong Wessex Wind.

From the sidelines it seemed for the majority of the first half, the ball was in the air longer than Malaysian Airline Jet MH370.

To us poor fans that had driven over 300 miles to the outskirts of Portsmouth, the first half seemed to go on longer than the time it took to raise the Tudor Warship, the Mary Rose, from the Solent and as painful as watching her restoration paint drying.

But cometh the hour, cometh the Man.

And that man was Corey Jenkins and from the moment the ball left his laser sighted boots, the match was never in doubt.

He hit a screamer which flew past Viking Bearded Home keeper Ragnar Cameron for the Merthyr lead.

It was the only shot in anger that I can remember from a first half so dour that it made Mike Oldfield's Blue Peter theme 'Portsmouth' seem colourful.

The referee mercifully brought the first half to a close and I was able to nip in for a Guinness to numb my senses ready for the second half.

Now, you can only beat the team that is put out in front of you but today reminded me of the Taff Well days of mini-bus driving goalkeepers.

Perhaps I have been spoilt of late by the quality of our football, but today it was not the lowly 'Wicor' Men that should have been burned at the stake, but our travelling band of Martyrs, who seemed trapped in a psychological M3 lay-by with the Sky button jammed on.

It was not like Porchester offered any attacking threat, their efforts on goal were more danger to the Spinnaker Tower or the skeins of Canada Geese that flew overhead honking disdain at the poor quality game of ducks and drakes being played out on the Blanchard Wells Stadium pitch below.

As the two keepers continued their personal crossbar challenges, the only player who seemed to want to pass the ball was young Adam Davies.

Up front, the in-form McGlaggon's body language was one of frustration, as he was not getting the run of the ball or the decisions from the referee.

As long as there was only goal in it, then the Hampshire Heroes might equalise and force a replay at the 3G home of the Welshmen Tuesday week.

After all then Manager Graham Rix might fancy his chances on an artificial surface, as he is reputed not to be a big fan of too much grass on the pitch.

As the Home Side pressed further forward - according to their signpost - away from Fratton Park, they started to leave gaps at the back which the pace of Traylor, Jenkins and Refell began to exploit.

Whether the Merthyr Management had decided tactically to send both Porchester and the fans into a first half coma and then hit their sleeping defence on the break is not known, but that is precisely what happened.

First Refell broke free and hit a post, then Corey Jenkins helped himself to the second of his brace, before McGlaggon was sent sprawling for a late penalty.

Kanomite promptly put his spot-kick wide by some four feet to sum up his perfect day in front of goal.

But if ever there is a good time to miss a penalty - it is when your side is 2-0 up with a few minutes to go,

The jeers and catcalls were still dying down from the Home Fans who had nothing else to cheer about all day - except the takings that is- when Kayno was tripped from behind once again by a tired defensive challenge.

Very honestly, he tried to stay on his feet but got no reward for his effort, as his shot petered out tamely into the bread-basket of the former Pilsbury keeper.

Most of the Bennetorial Army missed the incident, as they were two busy either scrumping the apples from the trees behind the goals or recycling the beer by watering the plants with their Welsh hosepipes.

As Apple core-y turned Scorey, one of two forgot to pack their trunks in the excitement and with the cold wind nearly had a 'Blue Peter' of their own.

The final whistle went with Porchester still without a recorded shot on target and the Half Nelson/ Treharris lads in 'dulci' jubilo at their HMS Victory and a 'net gain' of 4,500 English Pounds.

Not the greatest game by a very long chalk, but Merthyr live to fight another day in the Emirates and a hope of a home draw against a side with a big away following.

Man of the Match for me was referee James Durkin, who got most of the big decisions right - although he was closely followed by Adam Davies ( as was their winger all game).

He was certainly no Solent witness - as he booked three of our players- but a 'Saint' in my eyes for having the guts to actually give a Non-League penalty.


Last edited by Boz1964 on Sat Oct 15, 2016 5:19 am; edited 1 time in total

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Re: Solent Witness

Post  OWNES1 on Sun Sep 18, 2016 1:23 pm

Got all the puns but the Rix one was of a certain generation which some might not get.


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My Generation

Post  Boz1964 on Sun Sep 18, 2016 2:57 pm

Thank you Grandpa , but I think there are a number of cross- generational jokes in there.

G-G-Granville might remember his days 'tapping the Admiral' on the HMS Victory and of course his first girlfriend whose face launched a thousand ships....Mary Rose.....Boz

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Re: Solent Witness

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