So near - So Spa.

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So near - So Spa.

Post  Boz1964 on Sat Mar 05, 2016 12:56 pm

So near so Spa

As I walked to the ground, it was a glorious Spring Day, with the sun shining for the visit to our artificial pitch of 3G-g-gLeamington Town.

Before the game, the car park behind the goals was gleaming and shining with freshly cleaned and valeted cars.

Then suddenly, the weather, just like our inconsistent side turned all Vivaldi, and we then had the Four Seasons.

Light Snow, Hail, Rain- then bright sunshine.

Onto the pitch came the young Leamington side to the cheers of their massed away fans located in front of the Holvey Tea Bar, as them munched on their vegetable packed lunches.

'Yam, Yam, Yam' went the Brummie support, as they hoped to leave South Wales with a point or three to help their chances of a play off place.

Their manager, a Paddy Kirk lookalike from Emmerdale, had masterminded a game play to stifle the attractive football that Merthyr Town normally play at home .

By continually shouting at the Man in Black with the pea-whistle, he interrupted the flow of the game with his 'Tena for Men' tactics- you'd have been thought he'd have been serving a touch line ban or something...the way he emerged from the stand to stand in the technical area as he berated the young Lino over every decision.

Using his Paddy Power, the seasoned 'Vet', used every trick in the book to slow down the tempo of the game, break-up play and waste more time than a stamp-collecting trainspotter.

And that was just the story of the first fifteen minutes of the first half.

The pattern of the game was reinforced too, when Leamington scored from their first real attack of the game from a beautifully taken corner straight from their Emmerdale training ground.

It was scored by one of their defenders, Edwards , who was given the freedom of Centre Parks, as the Spa Brake leisurely headed the ball passed a stranded Garner from ten yards out.

The Midlanders thought it was Christmas come early, as they sang 'Dingle Bells' loudly to celebrate their early lead.

The Home Side tried to rally but despite a lot of possession, they looked out of ideas against a resolute Brakes Defence marshalled well by their Gingerbread Centre Half, who made sure that he was Robin anything in his 'Hood and forwarded it to his 'Fry Attack' as the Midlanders coped well with our Plan A.

Unlike second- place Chippenham on Tuesday night, they dealt well with the speed of our attack by keeping eight men behind the ball at all times to preserve their lead.

As they waited for Merthyr to try and chase the game, they unleashed their 'bionic man of the match ' Austin on the left wing , who 'windmilled' his way through the retreating defence on more than one occasion- if there was one player I wish had gone for a Burton (Albion) - it was him.

The first half break came with the Brakes one- up and the young linesman on the near side filling in a claim form for industrial deafness caused by the Paddy Power of the Away Managers bellowing and Uncle G-g-Granville nervously rushing off to check that his car hadn't been cleaned accidentally with a £5.00 bill sticker sitting on his windscreen.

The Second Half 'bored' game continued once more, with Merthyr having the 'monopoly' on possession,a goalmouth 'scrabble' and a Leamington 'Pile -on' being the order of the day, as they schooled us in a valuable lesson of how to win ugly away from home

Merthyr huffed and puffed but couldn't blow Paddy's house down, mainly because like a five star a la carte gourmet meal there was very little end product.

Shot-shy Merthyr's only effort being a deflected Adam Davies shot which rebounded off the woodwork.

I have heard of the Huffington Post but never the Leamington one before.

Once more Leamington put the 'brakes' on every throw in , free kick and goal kick as they moved snail-like to every restart.

I am surprised the referee didn't add 25 minutes time to the end of the match but I suspect he was bored by the game at this point too.

The Leamington defence had learned how to cope with the flying McGlaggon, as their number 6 got up close and personal to our striker, with 'Mace' in his face on every occasion.

I can only assume that the new born baby must have kept new father Keyon Reffell awake since Tuesday , as our inconsistency in front of goal continued.

Try as he might, it was their Keeper Breeden who came out Top of the Pops this week.

As the sun came out again from behind the clouds, it seemed to boost the confidence of the Leamington players defending the Park Chapel End goals.

With his back to the goal, Tawdry, their number 2 with a monk- style haircut, reacted with several long throw ins down the line that Rory Delap would have been proud of- I began to suspect they were solar panel powered as they were launched forward for the head- banded Baker-Richards.

With Merthyr trying but failing, to crack a defensive wall that was more solid than the one Donald Trump proposed Mexican one, they overcommitted to one attack and the man who two-surnames got their second , with a sublime lob over Garner that Tim Henman would have been proud off.

It had goal written all over it , as soon as it left his boot it snuffed out any remaining hope Merthyr held of pinching a point.

At this point, I was glad that the Tory Government's plan to fine people £90.00 for swearing in public is not yet in force, as I fear a few pensioners would be bankrupt after just today.

If anything good is to come out of today's capitulation, it has hopefully taught our fledgling players that you can't always win with style at home but that you have to be more 'streetwise' against sides - especially those in the upper echelons of our league that have recently been in the Conference North.

In truth, we got what we deserved today and the credit has to go to their Manager whose superior 'slash and burn' tactics won the day.

He may not be the most evil man to have come out of Royal Leamington Spa- as that title belongs to Warlock Aleister Crowley- but he certainly cast an anonymity spell on the Home Side and magicked away 'Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell -style , the three points back to the Black Country.

The best team won on the day but hopefully we aren't too far off their standard.

It was a case of so near , so Spa.

Lets hope for convenience sake next season, with a fuller squad, we can make their visit to South Wales less of a relaxing break and more of a contest.

Boz


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Boz1964

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Re: So near - So Spa.

Post  Solihull Martyr on Sat Mar 05, 2016 1:41 pm

Boz1964 wrote:'Yam, Yam, Yam' went the Brummie support, as they hoped to leave South Wales with a point or three to help their chances of a play off place.
Brummies? Don't think so - bit like saying we're Kaerdif! And Yam Yam is Black Country!

Boz1964 wrote:Their manager, a Paddy Kirk lookalike from Emmerdale, had masterminded a game play to stifle the attractive football that Merthyr Town normally play at home.
Paul Holleran - ex-Solihull. Never rated him I'm afraid.
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Re: So near - So Spa.

Post  Boz1964 on Sat Mar 05, 2016 2:01 pm

Are you sure he wasn't Leamoanington's hollering Sol?.....Boz
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