The Only Way is Wessex

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The Only Way is Wessex

Post  Boz1964 on Sat Feb 20, 2016 12:14 pm

The Only Way is Wessex

With the wind strength in Ebbw Vale at 13 and a strong breeze blowing the moderate rain around the Capital of the Welsh Valleys, Dorchester Town came to Merthyr with hopes of a late push for a play off place.

With Watson and Holmes in their line-up there was never likely to be any mystery as to who would get the three points.

It couldn't have started better for the away side, as the Magpies side clad in the most shocking coloured piece of kit seen this season at the Park ( Old Sod's boots excepted), took the lead from a corner with a powerful downward header from their massive 9 inside the first ten minutes of the match.

'Sky' Walker, a Magpie player recently watched by Stoke City rugby team as a possible candidate, outmuscled the tiny Merthyr defence proving that the 'Force' was with him.

It was one for sorrow.

It was certainly not two for joy, as shortly thereafter, Dorchester doubled their lead' as their effervescent midfield Holmes struck a sweet lob over our flailing keeper which nestled in the top right handed corner of the net to send the away fans behind the goal wild.

Credit has to be given to this bunch of ( Thomas) Hardy boys, as they put our Dregs Firm Choir to shame, singing loudly throughout the game.

In the horrible yellow kit they were more like canaries than Magpies.

Now I don't know if he has shrunk with all the recent rain, but our Glyn Garner didn't look like he is 6 Foot 2 today....but more like Five Foot and a Welshcake ...as he conceded goal number 2 with Merthyr's heads dropping quicker than Dawn French bungee jumping.

And yet, within 30 seconds Ian Traylor had pulled one back with a tame shot which spun passed keeper Murphy and into the Theatre End net.

Murphy's Law or not, it was certainly a day for both goalkeepers to forget.

Half-time came with the score 2-1 and in the cold February weather, an orderly queue for the blue Dr Who portakabin Turdis started to form.

There was a mysterious entry in there and the question was did I enlist the support of away players Watson & Holmes to trace whodunnit?... or did I just assume it was a Star Trek jobbie - being the Captains Log?

Far from the Madding Crowd, it was a moment of reflection by me, as to whether or not our own quality winger Ian Traylor, (who had taken a lot of punishment from the Trojan/Dorchester Defenders , most of whom were sporting Grecian Buns on the back of their heads) return for the second half and who could replace him -in view of the recent mysterious disappearance of Game Changer Kerry Morgan?

Whether he had been taken by the Hound of the Baskervilles ? ...as there were lots of howlers around on the pitch.

But Chubbs must have worked a minor miracle, as our local hero emerged from the treatment room much to the surprise of the Home Crowd.

Unfortunately, the 'Pineapple' Express continued, as the yellow Magpies took control with their slick passing and retained 'Custardy' of the ball.

Merthyr when they could get the ball, playing against the wind tried hard - knocking almost incessantly on the Dorchester, but their second just would not come.

A Home penalty was waved away by the Portishead referee, who once again appeared to have left his collection of football cards next to his Panini Sticker Collection, as he should first have booked Rhys Baggridge for a blatant foul near the touch line , as well as the shin kicking contest that the Dorchester Morris dancers were doing on poor 'Anders Limpar' Traylor

Up front their number 10, who for me was man of the match, threatened repeatedly to break our back line time and time again, as he was both skilful and pacy in equal doses- even if he was too fast for his own hair on occasion.

And yet it was his teammate Holmes who got the Magpies third ( for a girl?) a little against the run of play.

He ghosted past the Merthyr defence for his second in his Tour De France leader shirt for a simple goal and a credit on the scoreboard ( Lemon Entry my Dear Holmes?)

Garner had earlier redeemed himself with a great save from the Dorchester Rooney, but was once again left more exposed than Captain Oates for a 3-1 lead.

It was in the end an unfortunate deflection of Baggridge which found the net but it was not just 'Sheer Luck' from Watson and Holmes.

Merthyr then had a real claim for a penalty when Kayne was through only to be McClattered by Keeper Murphy in the heavy downpour but the Man in Black went all 'Rainman' and pretended it hadn't happened.

On 80 minutes, after a formation change and a spell of possession from the Town , we pulled one back after a thumping header from the Mighty Rhys Baggridge.

And shortly thereafter the Magpies got their fourth ( for a boy?) when youngster Liam Sayers scored from the inevitable breakaway.

It didn't make me 'feel like dancing' but the bunch of Dorcs went wild with Ecstacy , clearly enjoying the first class accommodation our Home Side defence had afforded the Dorchester at their stay in Merthyr.

In fairness, it was only the just result this Five Star side deserved, who played lovely football at times, despite the weather conditions, they had a nice combination of height, power, guile and skill and looked to be one of the best sides to visit our Stadium this season.

Conversely, whilst we had a lot of possession, we were profligate with our set pieces, wasteful with our corners and played once again like a team of individuals albeit with passion and a desire to go forward and play good football.

True, we weren't helped by an ineffectual referee and the weather conditions once again and in truth the final scoreline of 4-2 did flatter the Away side a little.

3-2 would have been fairer, but the table doesn't lie and we are were we deserve to be .

In this most turbulent of seasons- off and on the pitch , mid- table mediocrity will do and quite frankly is all we need.

The Dorchester Directors and Mayor of Casterbridge should be rightly proud of the team they have in place and I think they will be up there come end of season.

The only way was Wessex today.

Roll on the return of our Midfield Generals Harris & Williams as next season things WILL be different.

Boz








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Re: The Only Way is Wessex

Post  OWNES1 on Sun Feb 21, 2016 2:06 am

A well crafted summary as usual. I will have to start buying a program to try and second guess you and credits from your fellow supporters.

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Re: The Only Way is Wessex

Post  Boz1964 on Sun Feb 21, 2016 2:48 am

Morning Ownes, BUY a programme?....I always get mine from a Car Boot Sale on the way in....on a semi serious note, I think the days of my comedy reports are numbered as the readers of this Forum can only take so much 'Pun'ishment and playing the same teams , as we will do next season I do not want to be repetitive as you can only do the same joke so many times otherwise it becomes stale to the same 'audience'.

What was the 50/50 numbers yesterday, as I was too busy queuing for the 'Turdis' to check...I had 2010 and 2011...

Boz
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Re: The Only Way is Wessex

Post  scamp on Sun Feb 21, 2016 3:45 am

I think you might be in luck I thought it was 2010 but cannot be absolutely sure

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Re: The Only Way is Wessex

Post  GordonTheGopher on Sun Feb 21, 2016 6:12 am

Yes 2010 was the number Boz Very Happy
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Re: The Only Way is Wessex

Post  Merthyr Imp on Sun Feb 21, 2016 8:56 am

OWNES1 wrote:A well crafted summary as usual. I will have to start buying a program

Well worth £2.00.
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Re: The Only Way is Wessex

Post  Solihull Martyr on Sun Feb 21, 2016 9:29 am

Sold out when I got to the ground!
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Re: The Only Way is Wessex

Post  Merthyr Imp on Sun Feb 21, 2016 10:45 am

Solihull Martyr wrote:Sold out when I got to the ground!

Might be able to print some more - contact John Strand: strand@salisburyclose.fsnet.co.uk
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Re: The Only Way is Wessex

Post  OWNES1 on Sun Feb 21, 2016 11:39 am

I am sure you can recycle the old jokes as one of our older supporters has been making a living out of it for many years. Answers on a post card to third row back to the right of the main stand as the players leave the changing rooms.

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Re: The Only Way is Wessex

Post  Boz1964 on Sun Feb 21, 2016 12:00 pm

Yes.....G-G- Granville will be dancing in the street....Good job I kept it then....Boz
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Re: The Only Way is Wessex

Post  OWNES1 on Tue Feb 23, 2016 6:05 am

Your readership is growing every game Boz, soon have to get an agent, you have now got the money.

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Re: The Only Way is Wessex

Post  Boz1964 on Tue Feb 23, 2016 11:34 am

Good one...the sweets are on me Mr Epstein for the next home game....Boz
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